I thought all was supposed to be calm, and all was supposed to be bright.

Chip off the ol' block

For the 2 weeks Q is out of school for vacation, she wanted to go back to her old daycare to see her old friends. Her old daycare is owned by the same people so they said it was fine. At this daycare there is a boy that is new to her named Theodore. When I picked Q up today 2 of her teachers told me that Theodore has quite a crush on Q. I watched the 2 of them play at the washer/dryer/ironing board play station, and did Q ever boss his ass around. He put the play laundry in the washer, then in the dryer, put it on the ironing board then Q threw it at him and told him to do it again. I suppressed a giggle and told her to be nicer. As we were walking out I met Theodore's mom. She told me how he has talked about Q and said she wore pretty clothes and had pretty hair. When we got into the car, Q said that she told Theodore "I need my space". I just about busted my gut laughing. When did my 5 year old girl start thinking like and adult? And have her Mama's hangups with relationships?

Christmas day mellow out.

Last night we migrated to my Mom's and had Christmas. I would recount what happened, but it was your basic Christmas, nothing extraordinary. Except that when my brother, Mr.GQ, opened his present from Q, everyone burst out laughing. Q picked out all by herself a deelie-bopper (sp?)topped with reindeer. My brother is the LAST person to ever be caught dead in such things. In fact My SIL laughed so hard she choked on a carrot and we practically had to do a Heimlich maneuver on her. And my goofy Mom keeps refering to Q's Bratz doll as a Brats (pronounced like the shortened form of bratwurst) doll. Everyone was impressed with the Irish Hiking Scarf. I tried to tell them how easy it was, but they didn't believe me. My SIL wants a hat now, so I'm going to make her a hat and scarf set, I think this is going to be the scarf(the guy is kinda hot too, but I bet I'm not his type). I want one for myself also. Now we are just taking it easy on Christmas day. We were going to go to open houses, but we just never made it out. It is just as well though.

I was looking for some last minute Christmas cookie recipes that weren't too hard considering all the work we are all doing now. These look pretty easy. If you are looking for some last minute recipes also, I hope they help.

1-2-3 Cookies

2 C. crushed graham crackers, about 1 1/4 packages
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips


Break the graham crackers into crumbs . Add sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips. Pour into a buttered, small oblong or 9x9 square pan. Bake for 30 minutes @ 350 degrees.


Heavenly Cheesecake Brownies

1 package Betty Crocker Brownie Mix
8 ounces cream cheese
1/3 cup sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract


Prepare the brownie mix as directed and pour into a greased 13 x 9-inch baking pan. Mix cream cheese, sugar, egg, and vanilla. Pour over brownie mix. Cut through with knife for marble effect. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 35-40 minutes. Cool, cut, and serve with ice cream.

The Most Gruesome Death

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''

The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''

Ouch

My Mom has been very resentful lately of Q and I. She has always been a big help to us, but lately she has been bitter. I know she is done raising her kids, but if she doesn't pick up Q from day care 2-3 times per week, I can't work. Most dentists expect their hygienists to work past 6. That's when the patients can come in, so we need to be available. And for some reason, Q is much more high spirited at their house than ours. It has been making her a nervous wreck. Last night she announced that from now on she doesn't want to have dinner with us any more. She just wants me to pick up Q and leave. I admit her dinners are much better than mine, and it makes it easier. But getting the boot from you mom hurts. Although she will probably continue to call me 3-4 times per day.

Ya wanna know what an idiot I am?

I was in the car operating the power windows with my left hand, when I realized that I had dog hair on my gloved right hand. So being the brilliant monarch I am, I stuck my right hand out the window to flick it off, resulting in the right hand being smashed by the power window still being operated by my left hand. Its still throbbing. I deserve every bit of pain that I have.

Post script-possible TMI

We officially had a ball last night. We went to Peoples Choice, which is like a local Chuck E. Cheese. Made frosted sugar cookies and had a flour fight. I tried to scold them but I was laughing at the same time. Which made them laugh too. After I got them to sleep, I had a hard time winding down and getting to sleep myself. After I did, there was a little knock at my door. The younger one was crying. I asked her if she woke up and forgot where she was. She squeaked out that she had an accident. No big deal, all kids have them, but I touched her nightgown to see if it was wet. It wasn't wet, it was the other kind of accident. **don't read any farther if you have a weak stomach or are not a mother** So I took er into the bathroom to see the damage, and to get her on the toilette to let her finish. It was up her back, down her legs, in her crotch....you get the point. You would have to had a heart of stone not to feel bad for the kid. She was crying because she was embarrassed or afraid she was going to get into trouble. Once I got her into the tub, I told her it would be our secret, I would wash her night gown and no one would ever know. Then we talked about Christmas while I rinsed the stuff out of the clothes. I put her into some of Q's jammies and she went right back to sleep. In order to keep my promise that no one would ever have to know, that meant I had to stay up half the night to get them washed and dried. After they were done I went back to sleep and an hour or two later I get another little knock on the door. "I did it again" was all she said. So we re-did everything I just told you about. After I cleaned her up and got her original jammies on her, I just woke them all up, fed them and brought them home. She never started vomiting, but she didn't want to eat breakfast either. When I brought them home, one of the girls who was home already said she started having stomach problems last night too, so it wasn't anything I fed them. I was soo tired. Even though I told the mom about the diarrhea, she doesn't have to know about the accident in the bed unless the girl tells her. She felt bad enough about it. My Mom grudgingly took Q for a few hours so I could get some sleep, so off to bed I am.

Goddess help me

The mother of some of Q's friends is quite sick, and needs to go to the ER, then get some rest. She has 5 children. I offered to take 2 for the weekend, someone else is taking one, and her boyfriend is taking 2. I'm used to one child, now I have 3. What a shock. The good thing about this weekend is that I have 3 children who don't listen to me. Why is that good you ask? Because now I know my kid is normal, other kids don't listen either. And I know that I could handle more than one child if I can manage to adopt another.

I seriously need some Tylenol

I bought Q and early Christmas present of "Highschool Musical". We have played it over and over and over and over and over and over. I'm almost wishing we could see Hannah Montana again. I could also use a night out and do grown up stuff.

Ho-hum

I just haven't felt like saying much lately. Life has been status-quo. Except for my knitting. I've almost finished my Irish Hiking Scarf. I've just cast on for a roll-brimmed hat, a woman at work wants one and I figure I can knock one off in a few hours. My house has been a mess since I haven't been a good FlyBaby lately(like I said, no motivation). And My ExMIL called me last night talking like nothing ever happened and she isn't trying to sue me. I just hung up on her. I guess that was a rude thing to do, but she caught me off guard, and SHE IS TRYING TO SUE ME! Q wants to celebrate Hanukkah, so tonight we celebrate night number three. Not that we really know how to celebrate it. But we are trying. I wouldn't buy a menorah because they are expensive. So I have a candelabra we are using (shall I call it a sorta-menorah?) and we are playing dreidel and reading our Hanukkah books. So everyone Happy Hanukkah form a Pagan Unitarian Universalist family.

See, I told you I am a Benevolent Queen (hey, I should work that into a new title for myself, "Her Royal Benevolence"...)

Whored from some site I found, I can't remember where.

Things I Learned From Movies

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.

11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.

13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

15. All single women have a cat.

16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.